Saying "Good-bye"

Boyz to Men said it best, "It's so hard to say good-bye". It's not often that divorce actually satisfies both parties. In some cases one of those individuals still have deep feelings for their soon to be ex-spouse. Although we did not make it down the isle, I have experienced it. As I stated in the first blog, I don't regret the things that happened, but I can't lie, I sometimes miss my ex and it's been 3 years. I recently found out that he's engaged. I begin to ask myself, have I been waiting on him? Is that why no one else seemed to be good enough? Was I comparing them to him? That wasn't fair, if I was. If that's the case, it's definitely time for me to let go.

Some people remain married for the sake of their children, financial reasons, and (it's sad to say) even because they feel they are too old to "do the dating thing" and meet someone else. But when all is said, do they both want freedom from each other? I have two very close friends enduring this particular situation. They don't know why they've been married for so long, and are initiating a divorce. It's no doubt that she still loves him very much, but it seems that he doesn't treat her the same anymore. She actually has admitted to loosing some of her self-identity while being in this marriage. She too has been dealing with "saying good-bye".

When saying good-bye (divorcing), you're not only diminishing a marriage, but a relationship that you've established with someone whether it was long term or short, and everything else that was considered normal in your life. Both parties' families will have to adjust. So, saying good-bye does not only affect two people, but everyone else as well. It can be hard to say "good-bye".

It's Not Always JUST Baby Mama Drama!

It's rare that you find a single young adult with no children. How does this affect the relationship? You can't love someone and not everything that comes with them including their children, right? It's a "package" deal. At least that's how it should be. I'm sure single young adults with children would like a "significant other" too, but at what costs? How do you maintain a substantial relationship with both your child's other parent and your new love? What if you marry, and become a blended family; will everyone agree with how to raise the child or children? You often here about BABY MAMA DRAMA, but it's not always just "the mamas", daddies are included in drama too.

I ask these questions after observing some very good friends of mine, both male and female, who have children, yet they are single. One of my female friend's "baby's daddy" don't want her involved with anyone else, yet he does not treat her right. She tries to move on, however he's always around when someone new comes; she tries to do the right thing for her children's sake. I have a male friend who has custody of their child, but jumps every time the child's mother calls him. How is the new woman in his life suppose to respond to that? I hugged a male friend of mine, in the presence of other people, and another woman yelled (IN FRONT OF HIM!) "you better be careful hugging that one; he's very fertile!" Although I know how many children he has, I was still very embarrassed for him and me! Though he laughed it off, he still seemed a little hurt by it. With considering Erikson's stage of intimacy vs. isolation, again I ask, how do you effectively maintain these types of relationships and/or marriage?