Its seems that "love at first sight" lasts about 5 minutes, almost literally these days! How many of you know at least 1 couple who married in their early twenties, and was divorced before their thirties? Please, answer quietly-I'm afraid of the number. According to Erik Erikson, young adults should "try out new relationships and attempt to find a way to connect with others in new ways while preserving their individuality." However, it seems most young adults try out these new relationships after marriage. This process is usually called "dating", which typically comes before marriage.
Are you wondering if I'm bitter? No! Not bitter, just confused and frustrated. If you think you're not ready for marriage, then why do it? I was with a man for 6 years and engaged to him for two of those years, but I quickly learned I wasn't ready during our premarital counseling. Thank GOD! I don't feel as though those were wasted years. Simply put, those were years for developing wisdom. Had I married at 21 I would be divorced now as well. However, I have no regrets of the things that "were". Divorce is something that does not only effect the two direct parties, but those around them as well such as children and other family members. What happened to "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part"? Are vows not sacred anymore?
There are some states, such as Louisiana, that allow couples to opt for what's called "Covenant Marriage"; meaning, the couple receives premarital counseling first, and cannot divorce as easily. In some cases, such as "I no longer want to be married because my husband snores at night", this does not seem to be a bad idea.
Just me, myself, and I
- Tay
- Alabama, United States
- Young adult who is curious about what's happening to relationships; why are so many going wrong?
5 comments:
Shante,
This is a excellent topic. Even though I am not married, but I listen to the majority of my friends complain about their marriages.That is a good question is it love at first sight? or Lust at first sight? I feel that a lot of the younger adult couples jump into marriage head first and then a couple of years on down the line,they realize they did not take their vials serious. I was talking to a friend of mine, we both agree that just because you love someone that does not that you are suppose to be together. A wise old man told me that if two people do not have the same morals, values, and beliefs the union will not work. I think that we as young adults should do some critical thinking before we make any life decisions.
This is such a relevent topic for today's society. Relationships seem to be so much harder. Is it because there is less stigma to divorce? My parents married right out of high school, in the early fifties. They had their ups and downs but thsy saw marriage as a life long commitment. Also, women didn't have as many options then and being divorced was not a very high status for women, regardless of why they left a marriage. People have more choices about how they want to live their lifes and many peopl feel life is too short to to stay in a relationship if they are not happy. Like you said, divorce involves more people then just the couple. If there are children, I feel, that their needs should be the priorty.
Shante,
It was really hard for me to read your blog because it really hit home for me. You are completely right. Most young adults act on emotions and don't think things through clearly. It is like if something feels good at the moment then you do it and ask questions later. I say this because I fall into this category right now in my own life. I am 25 years old and have been married since March 2007. I have now been seperated since July 2008. I can look back now and realize that I married my husband for all of the wrong reasons and I knew it was wrong when I did it, but I did it anyway. Now I am stuck in this very sad and confusing situation. I wonder everyday if the fact that I vowed to God and my family to stay with him forever should come before my unhappiness. It seems like people get married and divorced for the worst reasons and that is so scary to me. People take marriage so lightly these days because it is like if you get married and aren't happy, just get divorced. Well, anyway I could ramble on forever and ever about this but I will just say thank you for writing about this topic.
Shante
This is an interesting topic for discussion. When I was a teenager I did believe in Love at first sight. I believed the love story that my prince and charming would come along and sweep me off of my feet. It was not until college I began to think differently. The young guys in college had a totally different mind frame than us young females. It is my opinion that men tend to think with their genitals and not their hearts or their minds. Although I am not married I do have a wonderful boyfriend who I admire. Even though we have discussed marriage and he realizes that getting married is every womans dream, he has stated that he could see himself marrying me. I feel like until he actually places a ring on my finger there is still that doubt in the back of my mind. Personally I am not the type of young woman who see's the need to pressure a man. Over the years I have learned to sit back and observe. As MSW students we have an advantage taking courses that allows us to be more competent in the field of human behavior. These classes prepares us mentally when dealing with clients, friends, family, co-workers, boyfriends, husbands, our children. I am indeed thankful for choosing social work as a profession.
Shante,
This is a really good topic. My husband and I got married when we were 20 years old. We have been married for four years but it has not been easy, it has been something that we have both had to work at. I think it has been harder for my husband because a guy in his young twenties with all single friends wants to be able to do what his friends are doing and go where they are going, but when you are married and have a baby it kinda stops all that. Young people do need to really consider what a marriage is a little more before jumping in to one.
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